good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
