Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My room smells like vodka and shame
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize