Please don't use social media to get back at me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
