You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
