wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
