It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize