you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
