people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
