actually, I'm a sock model
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
