it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
