So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
