You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
