And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
