if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize