I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
