i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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