I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
