We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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