i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
