I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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