I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize