Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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