Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So squirting runs in the family.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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