I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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