the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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