ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize