Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
