I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
