I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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