Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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