Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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