Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
FUCK WHALES
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
