I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
