He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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