They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
