so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize