Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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