i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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