he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He did a backflip because drugs
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