literally had 100 drinks last night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
