sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
