Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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