Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
