I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
