I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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