I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
