So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
