the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
