And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
