I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
