Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
