Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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