I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
