so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
