I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
