My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize