the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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