You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
