my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
