my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
