I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
