just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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