Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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