At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
