tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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