so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
