wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
