dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
