The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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