I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
