So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
