So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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