he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
